What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 05:41
But, we were locked up after school.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Can men enjoy receiving anal sex?
When she asked me how she looked .
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I couldn’t, believe it.
What methods do private investigators use to investigate someone in real life?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Does pressing a girls boobs hurt?
What did i know ?
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
What are some tips for balancing chores, work, and family life as an adult with children?
This is soul school!.
She married twice! .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
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He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why do black people prefer thick, curvy women?
I was scared of men, in general
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
My life is so biszare .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was seconnd youngest,
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Have you had any paranormal activity situations happen personally to you or someone you know?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
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As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was very sick at this time too.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Why do unattractive men assume that a pretty woman like me want them?
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Is parental involvement in their daughters' marriages beneficial? Why or why not?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Especially a lifetime of it.
Ive learnt so much.
She found it foreign!.
What can help me fall asleep at night?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I never cut or harmed myself..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We all went to grammer schools
So whats the point in blame.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i do to all so called friends.?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I write beautiful poetry .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I will be 64.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was in good health!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was 9 years of age.
Would this be the day?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I said to her
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She wouldn,t have been !
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One cannot live in the past .
Comes on , in middle age.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Who then, do I blame.?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I don,t even have a pension.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And i lived it daily.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So, i spoilt her more .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Was to survive, this bastard.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
He knew the spot.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I know ,a lot about trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I have no regrets .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I think the readers, may guess!
But it wasn’t much.
Im still living with it.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I waited trembling.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Put me off passion for life!!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She loved him until the end.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
We were not on the streets..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My family never makes their pension either.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It was going to be , some day.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
All the time i was locked up.